Worden’s Tasks of Mourning: An Alternate Framework

People often talk about the “seven stages of grief”: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance. Although this is the most popular framework, other perspectives on grief may resonate more with your individual experience. 

Dr. J. William Worden developed the Task Model in which he notes four tasks of mourning.

1. Accept the reality of the loss

   • Acceptance does not mean saying that the loss is “okay.” It means acknowledging that it has occurred and is the current reality.

   • Prior to completing this task, you may feel or say things like, “It still doesn’t feel real.” 

2. Process the pain of grief

   • The feelings that come with loss can be complicated and scary. Let yourself feel these emotions without judgment. Perhaps it’s helpful for you to acknowledge the “why” behind the feelings, or maybe it’s more helpful to not know the “why” and accept the feelings as they are.

   • Maybe you feel a little angry. Maybe this anger leads to guilt. Maybe this guilt leads to anger at yourself for feeling guilty. And so on, all while you also might feel sad. Maybe this sadness leads to confusion. You might experience a multitude of confusing and conflicting feelings. It’s important to continue validating yourself. 

3. Adjust to a world without the deceased 

   • It may feel uncomfortable to complete this step. This can look like anything from donating their clothes to getting used to coming home alone to moving across the country or more. Your “normal” might be shifting in slow, subtle ways. 

4. Find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life

   • If you feel any guilt about Task 3, this step can help with reducing the sadness of “leaving” your loss in the past. Perhaps this comes through writing letters to the deceased, creating a memorial, visiting a grave, carrying a photo in your wallet, or even just keeping the deceased in your thoughts.

   • The important note of this step is that the connection is sustainable to maintain and provides you with support as you adjust to new changes in your life.

These tasks can also be applied to non-tangible losses and material losses. Grieving can be different for each person and each loss, and no framework dictates the “correct” way to grieve. Don’t rush yourself to complete these tasks – allow yourself the time you want in order to move forward, and reach out for support if you find yourself unable to cope alone.