Invisible Losses: How to Cope with Unseen Grief

When you think of loss, you probably have some memories that come to mind: the death of someone you love, losing your job, accidentally breaking your favorite mug, or being unable to find your keys. These losses were most likely visible and recognized by the people around you through time off of work, heartfelt messages, going with you to replace the broken item, or helping you find your keys. 

There’s another type of loss that other people often don’t see. Invisible losses are just that – invisible. They’re losses that are more difficult to recognize and understand because they aren’t related to losing an item or a person. 

Some examples of invisible losses include:

• Your dreams

  • Maybe you dreamed of being a doctor, only to find out that the sight of blood makes you squeamish. This resulted in the loss of your dream to be a doctor, and you may have experienced some sadness for the career you envisioned.

• Your health or physical mobility

  • Can’t run as well as you used to? Having trouble sitting and standing? You’re likely feeling some grief over the mobility and health you used to have.

• Your role

  • People experiencing postpartum depression often feel like their new role as a parent overshadows their individuality, resulting in the loss of a sense of self.

• Your lifestyle

  • Perhaps you’ve graduated or moved recently and your life looks a little different from the way it was before. You don’t see your friends as often, you’re in a new city, you don’t have as much spending money, or you aren’t taking classes anymore. The change in pace can be accompanied by a sense of loss (and/or nostalgia).

• Your close friends or family

  • You may have lost someone not due to death, but due to divorce, estrangement, a breakup, or moving away. Even though you may not want them back in your life, you may still grieve the loss of your relationship.

    
    

Invisible losses are just as important to grieve and heal from as visible losses. Consider what losses you’ve experienced (both seen and unseen) and reflect on what could help you heal. Some may get rid of mementos, others may write a letter to their past or future selves, and others will create vision boards of how they see themselves moving forward in their lives. Be sure to validate whatever feelings arise (they may be complicated), talk about your experience with your support system, and seek ways to recognize your unseen grief.