Fostering Emotional Connection with Children: A Lifelong Journey (Part 1)

As the evening sets in, I find myself back home after a long day at work. My teenage son bursts through the door, his energy contagious, eager to share his latest workout triumphs. In these moments, I realize that my own relaxation can wait. These seemingly small interactions are the ones that I cherish the most, as they are the building blocks of our emotional bond. It's not just about him sharing his weightlifting techniques; it's about the connection and regard we share.

The Power of Connection in Early Childhood

The foundation of emotional connection with your child is laid long before they are born. From the very first moment they enter the world, they look to their parents for comfort, security, and love. They can be as simple as a hug, a smile, or a quick text, yet they hold immense power in strengthening our bond with our children.

These 'bids for connection', as Brene Brown aptly puts it, are the small moments that accumulate over time, forming a reservoir of emotional trust and support.

Think of these 'bids for connection' as valuable deposits in an emotional bank account. Each time you engage with your child, you're making a contribution to this account, building a safety net of love and trust that will endure life's challenges. On the flip side, when you overlook or dismiss these moments, you're effectively making a withdrawal from that account, potentially weakening the connection.

Reframing Parenting: From Correction to Connection

Too often, parents fall into the trap of seeing parenting as a form of correction. We focus on what children should have done differently, directing their behavior and addressing their mistakes. This dynamic often communicates that parents know best, parents often do, and make the rules, but how we communicate and foster relationship can either create a lot of conflict and negativity or communicate lessons and facilitate understanding.

A better approach is to reframe parenting as building a good relationship with your children. Good relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and enjoying each other's company. When you shift your focus from correction to connection, you open the door to a more positive and harmonious dynamic.