Fight… Flight… Freeze… Fawn? Stress Responses and How We Cope

You’re in a forest. 

A tiger appears.

What do you do? Select all that apply.

1. Throw a rock towards it.

2. Run.

3. Feel paralyzed and stand there.

4. Say, “Here, tiger, good kitty…”

Depending on your answer, you may have had one of the corresponding stress responses:

1. Fight

2. Flight

3. Freeze

4. Fawn

This won’t necessarily be your response in every stressful situation. Maybe you’d react differently if you saw a snake instead, or if the tiger was standing between you and someone you love. You might also experience a combination of responses. Maybe you’re frozen for a few seconds before running away, having a “freeze” and “flight” response.

What are these responses, and why do we experience them?

Fight: Confronting the threat.

Flight: Removing yourself from the threat.

Freeze: Shutting down involuntarily (dissociating, being unable to move)

Fawn: Attempting to appease the threat so that it’s no longer dangerous.

These responses can look different in different situations. For example, fawning can also

look like people-pleasing or obeying commands to not aggravate a threatening person. Flight can look like shutting your phone off when you’re arguing with someone via text.

We learn these responses over time based on how we learn to survive and feel safe through our lived experiences. These responses are valuable and evolutionarily relevant, helping us remain alive over time, but our bodies may not recognize when we’re safe enough to respond differently. Constantly fawning will diminish our self-worth and assertiveness. Constantly flighting will lower our distress-tolerance. When we feel safe enough to explore alternatives, what do we do instead?

Although we may learn these responses subconsciously, unlearning unhelpful coping mechanisms takes intentionality. Notice and reflect on your own stress responses. Consider what lived experiences may have led you to form these automatic responses. As you better understand these connections, you can work on forming alternative coping mechanisms such as constructive conflict resolution, improved communication, emotion regulation, boundary setting, and more.